Fun in the Sun

Jeff and I had an excellent spring break together, and this afternoon, Jeff went back to Seattle. I am always sad to see him go, but happy to have had time together. Our week was very eventful:

We did our taxes, which wasn't so fun, but it's done now, and that's the important thing.

We went to the Anza-Borrego desert, which is beautiful, and saw an amazing show of desert flowers (normally it's brown and dry, but after the rain it's actually sort of green in places, and the flowers bloom for a few weeks), cacti, and a real-life palm oasis:




We also took a bike ride around Mission Bay,

went to the Wild Animal park and saw a baby elephant,

hiked around Torrey Pines state park,

and spent time with friends.

All in all, an excellent use of a week together. And I'm starting to feel like a normal person again :)

Spring Break

I am taking a spring break this year. Jeff is coming down to visit on Saturday, and staying for a week, and I'm taking the whole week off of work. After almost two months of not feeling my best, I am ready for a vacation.

And honestly, the past few weeks I've been feeling a little burned out. I've been busier than usual, partly due to cramming people in around doctor's appointments and such, but partly because the influx of patients into our clinics appears to be seasonal, and we're in high season. And my clients have been more intense than usual (more people in crisis, considering suicide, becoming homeless, etc.). So I am really really ready for a vacation.

One more work day, and then it's sleeping in, enjoying the lovely SoCal spring, and spending every day with my husband for a week :)

Watch and wait

In the past couple of weeks, I've had some good news. First, some of my symptoms are starting to get better. I'm less tired, have less numbness, and feel less nauseous. I still have all those symptoms to some degree, and still have vertigo (which makes the room look like it's spinning), but I'm getting used to it, and primarily only have the vertigo in certain head positions, so it is manageable. So basically, I'm starting to feel better.

Second, I also got some more information about my brain condition, after meeting with a vascular neurosurgeon. The good news is that surgery is off the table for now. This is a huge relief, because any surgery has risks, and brainstem surgery has substantial risks. So no surgery = less anxiety for the moment.

The bad news is that some of my neurological symptoms are probably permanent, particularly the vertigo. There was definite evidence on the MRI of a bleed in my brain associated with my cavernoma, and this probably damaged some brain tissue, and unfortunately brain tissue doesn't regenerate as easily as some other body tissues do. The other bad news is that the cavernoma is still there and always will be, and will continue to pose a risk for re-bleeding, or other future "neurological events" leading to symptoms. If that does happen, I might end up with more symptoms, some of which might be transient, and some of which might be permanent.

The mixed news is that there is absolutely nothing I can do about this. On the one hand that kind of sucks. But on the other hand, it's also somewhat freeing. I have no major restrictions on my activity, don't have to engage in any special behaviors, and never have to worry that I'm doing something wrong or should be doing something differently related to my cavernoma. If something bad is going to happen, it will happen regardless of what I do, and I'll have to deal with it. That may mean surgery in the future, or not, and may mean that I have more problems in the future, or not. And all the worrying in the world will not change that, so all that's left to do is get on with the business of living my life.

Which, happily, I am able to do. I haven't really missed any work, and probably won't have to. I stopped jogging for a while, but today Jeff and I went for a slow, short jog to ease back into it. Jeff visited this weekend, and we went to the zoo, spent some time with friends, and relaxed. And as I've been feeling slightly shocked and anxious about my diagnosis, I've been reaching out and connecting with my support people, including some very good old (and less old) friends, and family. Thanks to all of you for just existing, because it makes everything easier to know you're all there :)

And just for fun, here is a picture from the zoo. If you look really really carefully, you may be able to spot a meerkat pile-up between the tree and the stump to the left of it. There are at least four meerkats there.

I have a fondness for photos of animals, where the animals are just barely visible (if at all). I have sort of a collection of them. They make me laugh in the same way that it's funny sometimes when a 3-year-old tells you what they just drew, because the picture both is and is not exactly what you are being told it is. So yes, this is a picture of meerkats :)